Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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