i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
