So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He kissed a someone with a penis
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
