Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He felt like a one man threesome
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
