It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
