God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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