Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
