I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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