Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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