Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
