I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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