I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
