shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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