I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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