you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
