Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You work out of a Hotel?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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