She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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