i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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