I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
