I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
