He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
