PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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