I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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