She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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