I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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