I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
