Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
