You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
