Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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