my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
