Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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