I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
