there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
