I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
