honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize