Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
