I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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