I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
