just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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