I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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