i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
