I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
