When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
