Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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