I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
