Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
