Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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