Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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