it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize