I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
