anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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