and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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