Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
