I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
