My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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