they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
