woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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