Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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