we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
