franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Couch. On fire.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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