Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
