nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
