do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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