That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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