My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
