You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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