I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
