Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
