Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
