I CAN MOONWALK!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
