life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
