so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
