I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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