Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
