Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize