I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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