ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
