is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
