Just fell off a train. Bad.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
