I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
