I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
