Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
