i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
