He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
