Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
