well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm both gender and math confused
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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