he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
