Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
