So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
