Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
