he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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