I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
