And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
sick fucks of a feather flock together
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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