How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
