I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
