i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
