I don't remember. Are we still dating?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize