I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
