I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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