meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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