that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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