i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
