I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's the barista slut.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
