Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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