non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize