I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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