last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
