I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
