Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
