I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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