I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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