Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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