i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
